


Together

by KaCole



Series: Busted [8]
Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Angst, Busted, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff, Kissing, Romance, Venice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-02
Updated: 2019-02-06
Packaged: 2019-10-21 01:11:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17633234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KaCole/pseuds/KaCole
Summary: Kathryn and Chakotay have had a serious falling out: she's showing no signs of relenting and he's spending too much time in the boxing ring. How the hell is this mess going to sort itself out?Takes place immediately after "Sex Pollen."





	1. Storm

**Author's Note:**

> Prepare your hearts for angst, but hold on to hope for the happy ever after. 
> 
> Thanks to @killermantee and @victoria+roberts for beta reading!

As he leaves Kathryn’s quarters, Chakotay is consumed with red-faced, hot blooded, fury. On one level he knows his rage is driven by his elevated testosterone levels, and Kathryn’s spite just now was no doubt caused by her own toxic hormonal cocktail, but he’s still spitting feathers. He's incensed at the universe. At himself. At _her_. He hates that he’s boiling mad at her, but he is. His head is ready to explode.

He should sleep, but there's zero chance of that right now, so he throws on loose clothes, heads to the lower decks, and runs a circuit, and another, and another, until he's sweating and breathless. Although he doesn't feel any less angry, he might just be tired enough to sleep. That’s a small victory at least. He heads back to his quarters, pausing at her door as he passes.

He raises his hand to the chime.

She needs time to cool down and so does he. No good will come of trying to talk while they are both angry and sizzling with sex-pollen-induced hormones. Tomorrow. He'll talk to her tomorrow.

#

Kathryn wakes alone. It's the first time in weeks Chakotay isn't at her side. The bed feels so damn empty.

They agreed early on, rule number one: _no fooling around on duty_. It worked. They'd have hot, no strings sex on her couch, in her bath, against the bulkhead. Then the next day on the bridge he would smile, and wait patiently until she called him over again.

Then they started to do things like go to Venice, and walk up mountains, and watch sunsets together. Before she knew it he’s staying overnight and she’s given him a toothbrush.

A squall of longing and regret almost swamp her. Believing that she could be the captain and a woman, that she and Chakotay could find pleasure together and keep going right back to work like nothing happened, is _precisely_ where she went wrong.

If she hadn’t damn well fallen in love with him, it wouldn’t be so hard. 

She has to lick her wounds, now. Put her armour back on. Maybe this will hurt less over time. Captain first. _Voyager’s_ Captain first, second and third. _That’s_ who she needs to be from here on in. He can never know how she felt.

#

Chakotay isn’t much happier when he wakes than he was when he fell into a fitful sleep last night. He crawls out of bed, showers, and wants to ram his fist through the bulkhead.

He tries to eat breakfast, but doesn’t have the stomach for it. The doctor hasn't cleared him or Kathryn fit for duty until tomorrow. Maybe they can spend the morning repairing yesterday’s damage. With any luck, by lunchtime they’ll be laughing about everything. He throws clothes on and heads out of his quarters.

Instead of using the code Kathryn gave him, he chimes her door. It’s surely wise to wait until she’s decided not to actually clobber him before he shows up unannounced.

There’s no answer. Maybe she’s in the mess hall. “Computer, locate Captain Janeway.”

“Captain Janeway is in holodeck one.”

When he arrives, the privacy locks are engaged. He taps his communicator. “Chakotay to Janeway.”

“What do you want, Chakotay?”

His chest tightens. “Will you let me in? We need to talk.”

“I’m not through in here. I’ll be done in about twenty minutes.”

Damn it. That grouchy rasp in her voice doesn’t bode well. Perhaps he should just leave it, give her more time to cool down, but he can’t stand the uncertainty. He walks to the mess hall to grab a coffee while he waits for her to finish whatever the hell she’s up to.

He almost walks into Tom Paris. “Commander. How are you feeling?”

“Don’t, Paris.” Chakotay barrels right passed the lieutenant.

Tom sounds somewhat taken aback. “Hey, don’t shoot the medical messenger.”

Chakotay ignores him, grabs a coffee and plonks himself by a window. They are still orbiting the damn Omicron-sex-pollen-hell-planet. The atmosphere, swirling with whites, blues and greens, so appealing when they first arrived, mocks him now.

Tuvok, in temporary command, has instructed the away teams to use respirators to filter any pathogens and continue their survey of the planet’s resources. By all accounts it's been worthwhile, as they’ve found some edible tubers that have pleased Neelix.

Chakotay taps his fingers on the top of the table. What’s Kathryn playing at? What the hell’s she doing that‘s so important she couldn’t break off and talk? She doesn't _want_ to talk, that’s the obvious answer. She’s making him wait, putting him on the backfoot. If her intention is to infuriate him then she’s succeeded.

Nobody in the mess hall bothers him, but he feels their glances. How much do they know about what went on down on Omicron? Has Tom Paris kept his word and held his tongue? No one is sniggering behind their fist at least. He hopes, for Kathryn’s sake more than his own, that that Tom continues to be discrete.

He finishes his coffee and stands up. Should he take a cup for Kathryn? Peace offering? Deciding that as far as Kathryn is concerned, coffee never hurts and can heal many wounds, he replicates her a cup and heads back to the holodeck.

This time the door opens. Kathryn stands in her uniform pants and a grey sleeveless vest, red-faced and panting, in a dimly lit cavern. With a Bat’leth in her hands.

He stares, and then blinks. Checks for bodies. There are none. “Um, good workout?”

She grunts, and spikes the Bat’leth into the cave’s dirt floor. She nods to the cup in his hands. “We can’t fix this with coffee, Commander.”

His heart sinks at her sharp tone. “We can try,” he says, his voice tight.

She shakes her head. “We have to think about what's best for _Voyager_. We lost sight of that when we started screwing around.”

He offers her the coffee.  “That's not true. We never let our relationship interfere with our duties.”

She sighs and takes the cup. “I’m not trying to make you responsible. I’m the one in command. I should have known better than to have sex with a subordinate.”

“You make it sound like some sordid affair. It was never just about sex for me. I thought it became more than that for you, too.”

Her eyes are distant, her jaw set, her face stone. Her heart is wrapping itself in steel. “This mess is on me, Chakotay. I'm sorry.”

Maybe she’s going for conciliatory, and she probably thinks she’s being selfless. How like her to shoulder the whole burden and shut him out!

Bitterness coats his throat like poison. “I'm in love with you, Kathryn. But you just can't say it back, can you? Even when you were completely disinhibited the best you could do is some old Vulcan phrase. Did you ever care about me at all?”

“Of course I did.”

“You have a funny way of showing it.”

“Now you’re being ridiculous. We have responsibilities I can’t ignore any longer.”

“ _I’m_ being ridiculous! I’m not the one hiding behind protocols no one but you gives a damn about. I’m not the one—”

“How can you say that? We both decided to be discrete and think of the impact on the crew!”

“You _decided_. I just agreed because what choice did I have? It was pretty clear you’d never invite me back if I didn’t go along with it. That’s what you do. You don’t consult, you don’t consider. You just decide and to hell with what anyone else thinks!”

“That’s not true, and you know it,” she growls. 

“Do I?”

“I’m the captain of this ship!” she snaps. “Screwing you was the worst decision I made since we left space dock.”

“Falling for _you_ was the stupidest thing I’ve done in my whole life!” 

“Then we agree. This has to stop.”

He stands over her, towering, red-faced and angry. He has to make her understand that’s exactly what he doesn’t want. He grabs her by both arms.

Immediately, she shoves him backwards. “You get one pass,” she hisses. “Next time you put your hands on me, you’re in the brig.”

The world plummets through his stomach, as if he’s falling and she’s watching, just watching. She won’t catch him. He closes his eyes. His shoulders slump, already hating himself for his loss of control. He turns to leave, but pauses by the door, looks back, shame burning his face.

“I’m sorry. I'd never hurt you.”

Her eyes glisten with unshed tears. “I know, Chakotay.” Her voice as hoarse as he'd ever heard it. “I've caused enough hurt for us both.”

#  

The day aches by, and is almost over by the time Chakotay feels even close to calm.

At 1800hrs he's in sickbay again at the doctor’s insistence. “Your testosterone levels have returned to normal. You should start to feel a lot calmer.”

All well and good, but that won't help his shattered heart. _No_. They’ve come back from the brink before. After New Earth, when they had to adjust to the command structure again after living as close friends for months. After the debacle with the Borg and Species 8472. They always figure it out.

#

As Kathryn sits at her table with a bottle of wine and two glasses that she absently took out of the cupboard, she almost calls Chakotay.

It isn’t as if there’s been a huge disaster, no ship-wide alert or catastrophic failure has filled the day, but by the end of the shift she’s been up to her elbows in reports and repairs for ten hours.

She just wants to relax with someone who’ll listen without half standing to attention. She misses her friend.

It would be so easy to pick up right where they left off, to go back to him perching on the side of her bath to chat as he brings her a glass of wine. Kissing her softly. Low music, low lights, and...

She stands up abruptly and puts the drink away. _Don’t go there, Kathryn._

She’s better off busy. She's been pondering re-calibrating the magnetic field around plasma confinement in engineering. If she could enhance the flow rate from the warp engines to the propulsion system by stabilising the intermolecular zero-quantum coherence, they could stop losing kinetic energy to plume divergence. That would increase their thrust coefficient by almost three percent.  With a sense of bizarre satisfaction, she pulls up the equations and gets to work. _This_ is the proper behaviour of a starship captain lost in the Delta Quadrant. Not taking baths, dancing, and making love.

Kathryn works late into the night, rises early, and carries her PADD to the bridge in the morning. She glances only briefly at Chakotay. “You have the bridge, Commander. I’ll be in my ready room.” Probably easier for both of them not to linger, besides, her head is already back in those equations. They could use a variable-delay z-filter to reduce the energy dissipation. It might just work.

It’s hours later. She rubs her neck. When she emerges from her ready room, the Alpha shift, and Chakotay, have already left.

Neelix accosts her before she can escape. “Captain! We have Garbanain stew tonight. Will you be joining us?”

“Thank you Neelix, but I’m a little busy.” Kathryn walks on, returns to her quarters, and continues to work.


	2. Cool Weather

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The conditions between the captain and commander remain decidedly cool. The crew do their best to deal with the situation, but it has to be said: someone needs to bang their heads together.

It’s probably about a month later when a determined Neelix appears in her ready room, shoulders squared. “You can't live on coffee, Captain.”

“I can try,” she grumbles. She's been snappy, and she knows skipping meals makes it worse, but there's a small part of her that thinks she deserves the gnawing hunger. Anyway, coffee helps her think. Lunch seems like a luxury she hasn’t earned.

Neelix is carrying a tray, with she suspects, a nutritious meal. He really doesn't deserve the short edge of her tongue. “I'm sorry, Neelix. This is very thoughtful. Thank you.”

He leaves a bowl of soup on her desk. “We’d be glad to see you in the mess hall,” he says.

“I'll try to find time.”                                              

“People miss seeing you and the commander.”

“Oh?”

“Ah, he seems a little preoccupied, too.”

“Perhaps you should take _him_ some soup,” she says, because she really can’t think of a better response, and this conversation is veering into the personal.

“Now there’s an idea,” Neelix says lightly. “What do you think would cheer him up?”

Kathryn stiffens, unsure if Neelix’s question is entirely innocent. “You’re the expert on morale.”

“Ah, but you’re the expert on Commander Chakotay.”

Kathryn stares hard at Neelix, but he doesn’t flinch. Part of her respects his courage, because this feels like interfering. She turns away. “I really have no idea.”

“Perhaps you could give it some thought, Captain,” Neelix says, and then he’s gone before she can rebuke him.

Kathryn takes a breath to stop herself from smashing the soup across the room. Chakotay is miserable. She’s miserable. People have noticed. This mess is of her own making, and she doesn’t have a clue how to fix it.

#

With each day that passes Chakotay expects Kathryn to crack and invite him to dinner, but there’s no sign of her backing down. When he walks into sickbay with his nose bloody and lip swollen, the doctor takes one look at him and rolls his eyes.

“I don't need another lecture on the dangers of boxing,” Chakotay snaps.

“Clearly my advice does no good at all, so I won’t trouble myself to repeat it. Perhaps you’d prefer to discuss _why_ you've felt the need to get yourself pounded into sickbay ten times in the past month?”

“No, I wouldn't _._ ”

“I suppose it's entirely unrelated to the reason I've had Mr Neelix complaining the captain is skipping meals again?”

Chakotay looks up abruptly.

“Ah, I thought that might get your attention.”

“She’s skipping meals?”

“Yes. She’s not physically unwell at this stage, but I’d say her emotional wellbeing has taken quite a hit.” The doctor’s expression softens. “I know things got difficult for you both after the problem on Omicron Theta. But you were not responsible for the things you said and did. I also know that whatever went on down there happened against the background of a more…complicated relationship than you might want to admit.”

“Doctor…” Chakotay warns, but his heart isn’t in shutting the conversation down. He wouldn't exactly call the doctor a confidant, but he has no one else to talk to about this. His shoulders slump. “How long have you known?”

“Since shore leave on Terebia. I saw you both on the mountain and put two and two together.” He holds up a hand. “Don’t worry, I haven’t discussed this with anyone. But you and the captain have obviously been close for some time. Have you tried talking to her?”

“Of course I have. She won’t listen.”

“Then try again!”

“I’m giving her space. Respecting her wishes. It’s what she wants.”

“Sounds to me like you’re giving up.”

#

The next chance he gets, Chakotay follows Kathryn off the bridge and into the turbo lift. “Can we talk?”

“We've _been_ talking,” she says tightly. “We talked about crew rotation, overhauling the Bussard collectors, recalibrating the plasma containment field...”

“Computer, halt turbo lift.” Her attempt to derail the conversation is galling. “That's not what I meant. We need to talk about us.” For the past thirty one days she’s been polite, restrained, and he has too. He’s hated every minute of it. The tension has been palpable, and people have obviously started to notice. The doctor was right. He _can't_ give up on them. “Kathryn. We both said some things…we were still overwrought. Our hormones were all over the place. Can't we at least—”

“Computer, resume turbo lift.” Kathryn turns to him. “Chakotay. Don't make this harder—”

The lift stops again, and the door opens. Ensign Wildman steps in, glances sideways and offers a tight smile. “Captain. Commander.”

“Ensign,” they both say.

The journey continues in cool silence.

The way he sees it, the whole damn situation got so out of hand that she’s backed herself into a corner she doesn't know how to get out of. She’s so closed off to him it's painful. What the hell can he do?

#

Samantha Wildman finds a chair in the mess hall, taking a seat between Tom and Harry. She rubs her hands together and blows on them in an exaggerated fashion. It's become something of a code, subtly reporting on the prevailing conditions between the command team. “A bit _frosty_ in the turbo lift just now.”

“Yeah,” Tom says, glancing at her sideways. “There was ice on the bridge again today.”

B'Elanna joins them, and plonks herself down. “Ugh, the captain’s got me recalibrating the plasma confinement system. Before that, it was overhauling the warp core.”

“She's working on new propulsion specs, too.” Tom sighs. “That's my next job.”

Seven of Nine stands by the table. “Ensign Kim, the captain has asked me for an update on your progress.”

“I've plotted long range supply projections for several thousand different scenarios,” says Harry. Some of them are pretty wild. I don’t know how she’s dreaming this stuff up.”

Tom makes a long _pfftt_ sound. “She needs to take a night off before she exhausts everyone.”

“We haven't seen her in the mess for a long time,” Neelix says. “I'm a little concerned that she’s not eating well again.”

“Perhaps Commander Chakotay should speak with her,” Seven suggests.

“Chakotay’s out of sorts, too,” Tom rubs the back of his head. “B'Elanna, maybe you should talk to him. Suggest he smooths things over with the captain?”

“Me?” B’Elanna exclaims, “no way. He's in a worse mood than she is.”

Sam takes a long look at the subdued faces around the table. This has been going on for long enough. “All right, is anyone going to say it?”

There's an uncomfortable silence.

“Well I will.” Sam takes a breath. “Someone needs to bang their heads together. Before Omicron Theta Chakotay had a permanent smile on his face, and the captain was as happy as I've ever seen her. Since then, they've both been miserable. There.” Sam folds her arms and sits back. It needed saying, and she's said it. She feels a little lighter.

Tom coughs. “Yeah, well they had a professional disagreement down there.”

B'Elanna snorts. “More like an enormous lovers tiff.”

Neelix pours coffee. “It's a shame. They seemed so happy since they started to, well, since they found each other.”

“Ah, the good old days,” Sam says, wistfully. “When he was sneaking out of her quarters early in the morning with a smile, she had a spring in her step, and we were all a lot happier.”

Everyone sits in miserable contemplation for a moment.

Harry looks uncomfortably at the assembled crew. “I don’t think we should be talking about this…”

“About what?” asks Tuvok, who appears silently, and slips into a chair at the table.

Harry looks up. “Ah, nothing of consequence, sir.”

“On the contrary. I believe the matter is of great consequence. I have noticed there is a high level of tension between the captain and Commander Chakotay. That tension negatively impacts on the crew, and therefore on efficiency, discipline and morale. This situation cannot be allowed to continue.”

Tom sits up straighter. “Right. It's not that we want to interfere, Tuvok. But no one is happy around here right now.”

“We don't want things to get as bad as when we were in the void,” Neelix adds. “She really cut herself off that time. It was terrible.”

“Yeah, this feels worse, though,” Sam adds. “At least we had Chakotay holding things together last time.”

Tuvok looks solemnly at the senior staff. “I believe that the captain thinks she is acting in the best interests of this ship. However, her logic is flawed. It is in the best interests of this crew that the captain and first officer have a good personal and professional relationship. At present neither is true.”

“No kidding,” Tom quips.

Tuvok raises an eyebrow. “I am not, in fact, kidding. The question is what are we going to do about it?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all your comments and support with this series. It's been a joy, and I'm almost sorry it's coming to an end. Look out for the final two chapters sometime early next week. :) X


	3. Repairing the Damage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The crew have plans...

Seven has given the Kathryn report she asked her for, but she isn’t leaving her ready room. She remains in front of Kathryn’s desk with her hands behind her back. “I wish to discuss your personal relationship with Commander Chakotay.”

Kathryn looks up in surprise. The former drone is always blunt, but she didn’t see _that_ coming. “I’d say it’s none of your business, but you’ll just carry on talking anyway.”

“Very likely.”

Kathryn purses her lips. “I suppose it’s pointless to deny there is some tension between us at the moment.”

Seven nods. “I became aware of the intimate nature of your relationship some months ago. However, I respected your wishes to conceal the nature of your relationship from the crew.”

Kathryn waves a hand, going for nonchalant, but isn’t convinced Seven notices. “It hardly matters. It’s over.”

“I am aware of that, too.”

Kathryn’s throat tightens, because she has a horrible feeling she knows where this is going. “Chakotay told me you're interested in him, Seven. If you’re asking for my blessing to pursue a relationship with him, I can’t give it.” Bitterness creeps into her voice. Perhaps she should be magnanimous, act like the bigger person here. Part of her wants to be noble and self-sacrificing. But she just can’t do it. It’s all too horribly raw and painful. Seeing him with Seven would end her.

“Captain. I believe you and I have both made mistakes.”

“Oh?” Again she's thrown by Seven's statement.

“I was in error when I suggested to the commander that he consider a relationship with me. He made it clear he would not pursue such a course of action. He said that he was in love with you.”

It’s like an arrow in her chest. Why the hell is Seven torturing her with this now? “I suppose you’re going to tell me what _my_ mistake was, too? Frankly, Seven, I’m not sure I want to hear it.”

Seven continues regardless. “Over recent days I have given considerable thought to the emotional significance of intimacy. You and the commander were both happy while your relationship flourished. Now, it is clear neither of you are happy. I believe terminating your relationship with him was a mistake.”

“I see. You assume _I'm_ the one who terminated it?” It's a weak diversionary tactic, and Kathryn knows it.

“Weren't you?”

Seven’s face isn’t prone to softness or sympathy, but there’s something in her eyes that approximates pity. Kathryn doesn’t want pity. Her mistakes are her own, and she’ll live with them.

“I have to remain objective about this ship’s safety. I can’t afford to let my personal feelings get in the way.”

“At one time, I thought efficiency was the primary goal of this vessel. You taught me that efficiency must be balanced with personal fulfilment. The two are not mutually exclusive. In fact, I have come to believe your personal feelings _make_ you an effective captain.”

Kathryn fights to find words. She didn’t expect this of Seven, who struggles so deeply with understanding human feelings and relationships. Part of her is grateful, but another part is relieved when Tuvok interrupts.

“Captain Janeway to the bridge. We have hit a subspace anomaly.”

“On my way.” She heads back to duty, and she’s glad of it. Honestly, a rip in the fabric of space is whole lot easier to deal with than the mess she's made of her relationship with Chakotay.

#

When the doctor calls Kathryn to sickbay, she's less than happy. “I'm not sick, Doctor.”

“Your electrolyte levels are a little concerning. Have you been eating properly?”

“Of course I have.”

“Mr Neelix says otherwise.”

“I'm perfectly fine,” Kathryn snaps, before she makes an effort to rein in her annoyance. “I've just been a little too busy to get to the mess every day, that's all.”

“Ah yes, the modifications and upgrades. You've been keeping the crew on their toes.”

Kathryn sighs. The doctor’s working up to something, she can sense it. Might as well get it over with. “Something on your mind, doctor?”

“As a matter of fact, there is. You’re obviously not happy, Captain, and I’ve treated Chakotay for rather more boxing injuries in the last month than is good for him.”

Her chest glitches. “Well I hope you've encouraged him to take more care.”

“Believe me, I've tried. I don't think it's _me_ he needs to talk to.” The doctor gives an exasperated sigh. “You made a choice to end your relationship driven by your emotional state at the time, which I explained to you would be volatile due to the hormonal disruption. It would be foolish to let that decision stand if it’s making you both unhappy.”

“Doctor, I really don't think my personal relationship with Commander Chakotay is any of your business.”

“I saw you on the mountain. It was obvious you’d become close. You looked happy together.”

Kathryn stiffens. “Happiness isn't the most important issue here. _Voyager_ making it home is.”

“Has it occurred to you that your emotional wellbeing is just as important to the smooth running of this vessel as your practical capabilities?”

Kathryn narrows her eyes. “This seems to be a running theme.”

“I don't understand.”

“Seven said something similar to me. If I didn't know better, I'd say people were talking. It needs to stop.”

The doctor’s face pulls into a grimace. “You want people to stop caring about you and the commander?”

“That's not what I meant. I'm thinking about the effect on the crew if they knew Chakotay and I were in a relationship.”

“I think you should stop worrying so much about the crew, and trust them to deal with it. Trust _yourself_ to make the right choices when you need to be objective.”

“That seems like a huge risk. What if they can't? What if I can't?”

The doctor shakes his head. “You’ve never been afraid of taking risks. Take one now.”

That night, Kathryn falls asleep with the doctor’s words ringing in her ears, and tears threatening the back of her eyes. He's wrong. What she's doing is for the best. In time, Chakotay's heart will heal. As for her heart, she's going to shore it up with steel.

She wakes before her alarm, pulls on a robe, and stumbles to the replicator to demand coffee. The cup materialises with the familiar sound, but next to it, a bowl of fruit appears.

Kathryn frowns. “Computer, has someone reprogrammed my replicator?”

“The replicator in Captain Janeway’s quarters has been reprogrammed to produce an item of food in addition to each cup of coffee.”

Kathryn doesn't know whether to be cross or amused. She picks up the fruit. “Computer, _who_ reprogrammed the replicator?”

“That information is not available.”

Kathryn sits, sips her coffee, and takes a small bite of luminberry. The flavour is pleasant on her tongue. She could dig into this mystery, and undoubtedly discover her phantom chef, but decides to let it go for now. She's eaten more than half of the fruit by the time she's drained her coffee cup. For the first time in a week she isn't starting the day with a headache.

She starts to dress, but can't find her shirt. She could have sworn she laid it out on her chair last night, ready for a quick start this morning. But it's nowhere to be seen. She frowns. The last time she misplaced a shirt was months and months ago, after Venice.

_Venice_.

What a beautiful, romantic afternoon that was. She and Chakotay eating in a fine restaurant and then watching the sun spark like fireflies on the lagoon. Then they found a small hotel, booked in under false names like illicit lovers, and spent the rest of the afternoon lost in passion. It was decadent and glorious and reckless. She thought she could have it all.

Kathryn tries to strap her armour back on, but damn, _Venice_.

#

“Where are we going, B'Elanna?” Chakotay demands. “I'm due on the bridge, and the captain’s in no mood for tardiness.”

“Chakotay, stop arguing. You might not know it, but you owe me one.”

His head snaps around. “What are you talking about?”

“Do you remember the fruit juice at the Terebian resort?”

“How could I forget?”

“I saved your ass from getting busted by Tuvok.”

“You did?”

“Well, I thought so at the time.” B'Elanna opens the door to holodeck two and ushers him inside. “Turns out, you and the captain were not nearly as clever at hiding your romance as you thought.”

“You _knew_?”

B'Elanna looks at him with folded arms. “Chakotay, you idiot, everyone knew. And they were happy for you both. But this…” B'Elanna shakes her head. “Let's just say we’re giving you and the captain a strongly worded request to sort yourselves out.”

“B'Elanna,” Chakotay warns, but she's already gone. The holodeck door won't open no matter what he does. Finally he admits defeat and turns around to take in the location of his incarceration.

He's in Venice.  

 #

Sam Wildman started this ball rolling, and she's not sorry. Their plan is coming together beautifully. All that remains is to get the captain here, and there's one person everyone is sure she won't refuse.

Sam crouches down in front of her daughter. “Do you remember what to do?”

“Of course.” Naomi grins, proud to assist with _cheering the captain up._  

Sam gives her a quick hug. “Good girl. I'll be right around the corner.”

Listening from an alcove, Sam hears the plan swing into action.

“Naomi Wildman to Captain Janeway.”

“What can I do for you, Naomi?” comes the captain's voice.

“Captain, could you please come to holodeck two?”

“Is there a problem?”

“Yes.”

“I’ll send Mr Kim to help you.”

“No, Captain! I mean, you’re the only one who can solve this problem. Please come. It's very important.”

Sam holds her breath, but Naomi doesn't look the least bit phased.

“All right, Naomi. I'll be right there.”

Naomi grins, and Sam peeks around the corner to give her the thumbs up, and then ducks back.

It's not long before the captain appears. “What’s the problem, Miss Wildman?”

“Somebody once told me that even the most dedicated officers need time to relax with their friends.”

Sam hears the captain laugh. “Yes, I seem to remember that. Is there a problem with Trebus and Flotter?”

“Not exactly.” The holodeck door swishes open.

“Naomi, what’s going on?”

“Captain, if you go in you’ll find out.”

There's a moment of silence, and then the holodeck door closes. Sam steps around the corner.

Naomi is grinning. “Mission accomplished!”

#

The holodeck door closes behind Kathryn. Chakotay is standing by a table laid with food and flowers. They are in a room. Not a restaurant, but a hotel room, with a window, and a balcony, and a bed. Not unlike the one they stayed in last time they were here.

Kathryn chews her lip. “What’s going on?”

“I'm not exactly sure, although I have a suspicion…” Chakotay says.

Kathryn keeps her voice steady. “Computer, exit.”

“Unable to comply,” the computer intones.

“Explain,” she snaps.

“Security override Tuvok-Pi-Alpha in place.”

Chakotay begins to pace, his nerves evident. “I tried all that.”

“Janeway to Tuvok. Override the security lockout on holodeck two.”

“Captain, I’m afraid I cannot comply at the present time.”

“What the hell is this, Tuvok?”

“It has come to my attention that there are issues between you and Commander Chakotay that need a resolution. We have therefore provided an opportunity for you and the commander to engage in a dialogue. I suggest you do yourselves and each other the courtesy of starting from a place of honesty. Tuvok out.”

Kathryn swears. She glares at Chakotay. “Did you know about this?”

Chakotay throws up his hands. “First thing I knew about it was when B’Elanna frog marched me here.”

Kathryn scowls. “Janeway to Harry Kim. Beam us out of the holodeck. That's an order.”

Harry’s voice is tight. “I can't help you, Captain.”

“Harry! I can’t believe you’re colluding with this, too.”

With no way to circumvent the locks aside from tearing the panel off the wall, which she considers, but decides against, Kathryn sighs and sits down.

“This is Tom’s Venice programme, isn’t it? He’s in on it, too?”

Chakotay nods. “I wouldn’t be surprised if it was his idea.”

She removes the platter’s lid. “This food. And the flowers from the aeroponics bay. I suppose that means Neelix is in on it too? And I’ve had my ear bent by the doctor and Seven.”

“Seems people are trying to tell us something.”

“That they think I need to eat more?” Despite herself, Kathryn has to admit Neelix has gone to some trouble, preparing what looks like a light dish featuring roasted vegetables. It would be churlish, not to mention wasteful, not to eat. She shakes her head. “Giving us space to talk is one thing, but a hotel room in Venice? It's a bit on the nose.”

Chakotay shrugs, as if he's hard pushed to disagree, but if she knows him at all he's going to use this situation to his advantage.

He begins to eat. “Kathryn, we’ve been well and truly busted. They’ve known about us for months. B’Elanna told me on the way here.” He shakes his head. “We thought we were being so discrete, but all the senior staff knew.”

Kathryn groans aloud. “Just what we didn't want.”

Chakotay laughs. “Know what? Nothing terrible happened. Discipline didn't fall apart. The universe didn't implode. Things were fine.”

Kathryn flushes. “There were good reasons for making the choice we did—”

“Maybe. But things are _worse_ now. And not just for us. For the whole crew.”

“That's not the point!”

“It's _exactly_ the point!” He puts down his fork, his eyes burning across the table. “Look at what's happening here. They’ve done all this because they think we should be together.”

“I won’t be backed into a corner!”

“Are you really so stubborn you'll stick to your self-imposed rules, even when us being together is what everyone wants? Including you?” His eyes blaze and her heart races. “We're better together. Don't deny it.” His tone deepens. “I know you, Kathryn Janeway. I've been at your side through your victories and mistakes,” his voice lowers further, and makes her shudder. “I promise you, keeping us apart is a very big mistake.”

 


	4. Another Day in the Delta Quadrant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The captain and Chakotay finally talk honestly about their feelings.

It’s been over two hours since Harry spoke to the captain. Everyone’s found a reason to be on the bridge, B'Elanna, Sam, Neelix, Seven. Safety in numbers, Harry supposes. By now the captain and Commander Chakotay have either resolved their differences or killed one another. He isn't prepared to lay a bet either way.

He looks nervously at Tuvok. “Commander, do you think we should—”

“Ensign Kim. Need I remind you of rule number one?”

“Respect the captain’s privacy at all times. Yeah. But sir, what about obeying the captain's _orders_?”

The turbo lift doors open. The captain strides in, straight faced, followed by a grim looking Chakotay. She stands with her hands on her hips and turns slowly to fix each of them with a glare.

Tuvok takes a step forward. “I alone am responsible for the events which transpired today.”

The captain raises her hand and shakes her head. “Uh, oh. I think every last one of you is complicit in this.”

“Tom, it was your programme. Sam, you set Naomi up to call me down there, didn't you? B'Elanna, you tricked Chakotay into the holodeck. And Neelix. Food. Flowers, that was you. Even Seven and the doctor, with your not so subtle pep talks. And Harry…” her voice rings with disappointment. “You disobeyed my order.”

Harry's face burns with shame. He’s prepared for whatever discipline she thinks is appropriate. They might have had the best of intentions, but clearly they crossed the line and it backfired.

The captain goes on, her voice low and raspy. “What I'm about to do is going to happen here on the bridge once, and only once.” She takes a step towards the commander. All eyes are on them.

She takes another step, and if Harry didn’t know better, he’d say a faint smile wrinkles the corner of Chakotay’s eyes.

The captain kisses Chakotay. Full on the lips, right here on the bridge of the Starship _Voyager_ , and not Harry, nor anyone else, can tear their eyes away.

The kiss is delicate, with understated passion, but there’s fire there, simmering beneath the surface. And love. Chakotay's hands rest lightly on her hips.

There's a collective sigh, as if everyone holding their breath suddenly let it out.

The kiss breaks, and the commander says something into the captain’s ear that Harry can’t hear. She squeezes his arm. She takes her time to look around the bridge, her hand still on Chakotay's arm, her smile as radiant as Harry has ever seen it.

“If there’s a member of this crew who _isn't_ aware of our relationship status by the time the commander and I join you all in the mess hall tonight, frankly, I'll be disappointed.”

Then she waves a hand, and says briskly, “Right. Everyone back to work.”

After grinning briefly at B'Elanna, Tom turns his seat back to face the helm. Neelix scuttles towards the turbo lift. Sam smiles broadly. Seven is still staring at the captain and Chakotay with undisguised curiosity.

Harry forces his mouth shut and glances at Tuvok, who is already absorbed in his console readings.

As he takes his seat, Commander Chakotay hasn't quite schooled his face back to impassive. There's a grin lingering about his dimples. Harry can’t really blame him.

In the next moment, Harry's console alerts him to incoming ships. “I'm reading two unknown vessels approaching at high warp.”

“Hail them,” the captain says, all traces of her sweet smile gone.

“No response,” Harry tells her. “They're charging weapons.”

Chakotay’s smile is gone too. “Red alert.”

“Evasive action,” the captain commands. She's laser focused, all captain, and her people swing seamlessly into action around her. Harry feels a jolt of pride. _Voyager_ and her crew are more than a match for anything the Delta Quadrant throws at them.  

**Earlier, on the Holodeck**.

Kathryn can’t tear herself away from Chakotay’s stormy eyes. Everything she’s said and done over the past month crashes back on her like a hurricane. She’s at a crossroads, heart racing, hair tearing in the wind. Who is she going to be, captain or woman?

Why the hell can’t she be both?

She stands up. “Chakotay. I know we need to talk. Could we take a walk?”

She needs a little distance from this room, and the bed that seems to take up more of the floor space every time she glances at it. It would be so easy to slip back into the same pattern, having sex yet avoiding talking about how she feels, but she knows in her gut that won't solve the problem. Tuvok was right. She has to be honest, and she can't do that while all she can think about is getting naked.

He stands up. “Of course. Do you want to see the Rialto Bridge? We didn't get the chance last time we were here.”

They fall into step through the cobbled streets of Venice. The white bridge spanning the narrow end of the canal has an intricate roof, offering shade for the many market stalls trading there. They stop a moment. Kathryn leans on the stone rail and looks out over the blue lagoon.

“When we came to Venice before, I wondered, hoped even, that we'd visit the real thing together someday.”  

“I still do,” he says quietly. I haven't lost faith that you'll get us home. I still care for you.”

“Even after everything I did and said? How I kept you away these last weeks?”

“We've both been to blame for that. I told myself I was giving you space and respecting your wishes, when I should have been trying harder to stay by your side. Not pounding my hurt out in the boxing ring.”

She looks out over the still waters. “I just don't know how I could stand losing someone else close to me. I thought if we stopped I'd never have to face that possibility.”

“I know losing Mark hurt you.”                             

“There's more to it than that. Before Mark, I was engaged to a Starfleet officer. Justin. There was an accident. Both he and my father were killed in a shuttle crash.” She spreads her fingers across the smooth stone. “There was a space of time, a minute, may be two, where I could have saved one of them, but it would have meant leaving the other to die. I thought I could save both if I just got the power up again.” She curls her fist tight. “I failed. My choices that day meant my father and the man I loved drowned a few meters away from me.

“And then, after, I almost drowned, too, emotionally. I've never sunk into such darkness. I barely ate. Didn't get out of bed for months, even after my body healed. My sister dragged me out of that hell, kicking and screaming. After that, I switched from science to command. To be in control of myself. It made things easier.”

He watches her in silence.

“So you see, Chakotay, I’m not embarrassed or ashamed, not really. I'm terrified that one day I'll make a choice that sends another man I love to his death, and there’ll be no coming back from it. That's why I fought my feelings. That's why I've pushed you away.”

“Kathryn, I don't blame you for your feelings. When we go through such terrible loss we’ll do anything to protect ourselves from it happening again, even if what we do is ultimately self-destructive. I've done many things I'm not proud of. In the name of freedom, or revenge, and those two seem very blurred now.” He shakes his head, his eyes full of pain. “Every choice we make creates us. I don't know, maybe Captain Janeway was born that terrible day. And she has saved many more lives than she’s lost.”

He leans on the stone rails around the bridge, and looks down into the water. “I swore to carry your burdens, Kathryn, and I lost sight of that these last weeks. That's on me and I'm sorry. I'll stay at your side no matter what you decide, and I'll do better.” He turns his head towards her. “But please, just answer me this: If you could, would you erase everything you had with Justin to spare yourself the pain of losing him?”

Kathryn sighs. It's a question she's wrestled with for years. In the aftermath of the disaster, she'd have said yes, absolutely, nothing was worth that agony. But over time the pain morphed and shifted, and she came to cherish her memories of Justin.

“No. I wouldn't,” she admits. “He and I were deeply connected. He showed me what it was to love someone passionately, completely. I wouldn't give that up.” She continues to stare out over the water, not yet ready to meet Chakotay’s eyes, although she can feel him looking at her. “You know Mark got married six months after Voyager was declared lost? We were engaged for three years, but we hadn't even set a date for the wedding.”

She looks at him now, in the fading sunlight. His skin shines gold, and his eyes are dark and quiet.

She lets her eyes roam his face. “I don't think I ever loved Mark the same way I loved Justin.” Her breath catches in her throat, and her heart is dancing, dancing, because she can’t hold back the truth any longer. Yet it terrifies her. She manages a frail whisper. “Or the way I love you.”

He touches her face lightly with his fingers, and tips her chin gently upwards. “Then stop fighting it.”

She's hovering over the edge of an abyss, wanting to let go, but so afraid of falling. The sun is large and red. There's something magical about Venice in the low evening light that gives her courage. Softly, she kisses him. It's like there’s an anxious bird caged in her chest, fluttering and calling, and for a moment that's all she can feel.

He kisses her back, fully, completely, and now her heart is not fluttering with fear, but soaring with desire.

She gasps. “I want you as much as I ever did. I'm sorry I pushed you away.

He rests his forehead against hers. “Don't. Don't look backwards. Only forwards.”

In the fading light, they fall into another deep kiss, bodies pressing closer and closer. It's a long time before they break apart.

“People are watching,” Chakotay finally observes, a little breathless.

He's right, they are drawing glances. “These people are holograms,” she reminds him, smiling. “But there are some real people we need to deal with.”

“Our treacherous crew.” His eyes are smiling, and those delicious dimples in his cheek are out full force. 

“I don't think we should let them off the hook entirely for their little mutiny, do you?”

He grins. “What do you have in mind?”

#

After that kiss on the bridge, it's just another day in the Delta Quadrant for Chakotay. Hostiles appear, chaos ensues, and for a while no-one’s sure if they'll live or die. But the crew of _Voyager_ , win the day with wit and courage. He’s proud of his crew, and his captain, and for the first time in weeks he feels at peace with himself.

At the end of their shift, he and Kathryn retreat without fanfare to her quarters. They barely make it through the door before Neelix contacts them. “Neelix to Captain Janeway.”

“Go ahead, Neelix.”

“Captain, if you’ll forgive me, just a gentle reminder that it’s Lieutenant Ayala’s birthday. Celebrations commence at nineteen hundred, but I need the senior staff here a little before that.”

Kathryn meets Chakotay’s eyes, smiling. “Of course. We’ll be there shortly. Janeway out.”

“There's no getting away from it now,” Chakotay says lightly, taking her in his arms. “Are you sorry we told them?”

“Not for a moment.”

“Good. Because I have plans...” He kisses her neck, pulling her close to his body.

“You’re plans are going to have to wait,” she says fondly, kissing him back once before wiggling free of his arms. “Because this evening is for Mike and our crew. You better get into some casual clothes.” 

It’s not long before he returns from his quarters, wearing dark pants and a white shirt. She is stunning in a navy blue dress, revealing enough of her slender neckline to take his breath away.

“You look beautiful.”

“Hardly,” she says, but then she looks at him thoughtfully. “But I’ll take the compliment.”

“Who are you, and what have you done with Captain Janeway?”

She laughs. “Do you know what, Chakotay? In the space of one day I’ve told you I love you, and told the crew we’re in a relationship. The universe hasn’t imploded. I think it’s safe to give Captain Janeway the night off.”

They step out of her quarters, and she pauses to lace her fingers through his. It feels daring and strange, and completely wonderful to be so openly affectionate in a public space.

He squeezes her hand. “Ready?”

#

Tuvok scans the mess hall. He turns to Neelix. “I am gratified that you followed my suggestion to keep this event modest.”

Neelix has prepared a buffet and gathered the crew, arranged some music, but has not decorated the mess hall inappropriately. “Of course, Mr Vulcan. It’s a birthday, not a _wedding_.” He grins and taps the side of his nose. “Not yet, anyway.”

Tuvok raises an eyebrow, but Neelix has already dashed back to the kitchen.

There is a change in the cadence of the room, and Tuvok looks to the door, where all eyes have turned. The Captain and Commander Chakotay have entered, smiling, holding hands, and the energy in the mess hall is raised with them, the happiness rippling through the room like a wave as they circulate and talk to the crew while they all wait for Lieutenant Ayala.

Tuvok has often observed human emotions affecting the people around them, but this is the closest he’s come to understanding it. He has to confess, if only to himself, he is not immune.

Captain Janeway approaches him. “I think I owe you both thanks and an apology. B'Elanna tells me I've made life a little awkward for you lately. You’ve been covering our tracks for months.”

“I believe the human expression is you've ‘kept me on my toes.’”

“You must have found my behaviour highly illogical.”

“On the contrary. Your behaviour was the logical expression of your feelings, both for Commander Chakotay, and for your mission and your crew.”

The Captain turns her head to one side and nods slightly, as if she is considering his counsel carefully.

“However,” he continues, “logic is the beginning of wisdom, not the end. Our journey home may be a long one. It is not logical to stop living along the way.”

Her voice is soft, with a vulnerability he is not used to seeing from her. “Do you approve of the path I've taken?”

“Captain. I consider you one of my closest friends. I approve of anything that makes you happy.”

Then there is another ripple through the room, and people start to clap. Mike Ayala walks in, his face flushed with bemusement. The crew come together to celebrate, and for the first time in a while the conditions on _Voyager_ are, as a human sailor might say, fair winds and following seas.

# 

As they return to her quarters, Kathryn almost has to pinch herself. They don't need to sneak around separately. They can march right down the corridor together and into her room, because they are well and truly out of the closet. It doesn't feel as uncomfortable as she imagined.

Chakotay keys the combination to her door. His eyes dart sideways, unconsciously checking the corridor for prying eyes. Seems they’d both need a little time to get used to their new freedom.     

Once inside, Chakotay takes off his shirt, and disappears into the bathroom. “Do you know, Mike told me he’s virtually the only former Marquis who _didn’t_ know about us?” he calls.

Kathryn laughs as she kicks off her shoes. “Well, we succeeded in keeping a secret from someone.” She follows him into the bathroom, and stands in front of the mirror beside him.

“We weren’t terribly good at keeping that secret,” he says.

“We weren’t terribly good at being apart, either.” Kathryn opens the cupboard beside the mirror, and retrieves his blue and white toothbrush.

“You didn't recycle it, then,” he says.

“Couldn't bring myself to do it.”

He moves close behind her and wraps his arms around her waist. She lets the comfort of his body pressed close to hers seep into her bones, and lets herself believe, finally, that they can bring  _Voyager_ safely home and love each other too.

He hums, moves her hair aside and kisses her neck, and her warm comfortable feeling sparks into arousal.

She takes in a breath. “Let's get cleaned up and go to bed.”

Later, in the dark, they are pressed skin-close between the softness of her sheets. She kisses him, moving her body in time with his. “No more secrets,” she whispers. “No more lies.”

“Together,” he whispers. “It’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

“Together,” she promises. “Always.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for following this story, which has been tremendous fun to write and share with you. I've loved playing with all the tropes and of course building towards a happy J/C ending. I hope I've done the latter justice!   
> Comments appreciated!


End file.
